Sometime in the last few years, I have started using the phrase, "_____ for ____ values of ____". For example, at the end of the work day, Leah generally asked me, "How did your day go?", to which I would respond, "Fine, for most values of fine", or "Great, for some values of great". I often used it to describe my progress (or frustration at my lack of progress) during a project - "Fine, for only a few values of fine", or "Great, for one value of great".
This experience sucks for ALL values of suckage.
Fortunately, it has begun sucking less.
I drove from the Washington, DC area, where my wife and I lived, to central Arkansas to bury her. It's about a 16 hour drive, if you could do it non-stop, which I last did circa 2005. Ever since then, Leah and I always did the trip over two days, and this journey was no exception. One thing about driving that far, alone, is that you are, of course, alone with your thoughts and feelings, with nothing to really distract you unless you bring your own music or audiobooks (unless you are a BIG fan of religious programming, gospel music, or country music - which I am not).
I brought a large collection of audiobooks with me, many of which I found did NOT work well in an audio format. One that DID work well for me (your mileage may vary), is Option B by Sheryl Sandberg. Ms. Sandberg is the COO of Facebook. She wrote Option B after losing her husband with no warning whatsoever. I, at least, had a several hours warning that Leah's death was a possibility, then a few hours of knowing that her death was likely. I then had a short span of time to process that her death was certain and she had only minutes, perhaps hours, but certainly not days, before she died.
Of course, processing such immense, life-altering, life-shattering knowledge can't happen in a span of minutes, hours, or frankly, even days or weeks.
I hope that writing this blog will help me process this knowledge.
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