The Seven Things - May 18-19

So,

I failed to do even seven things yesterday:

1 - Showered, shaved, brushed my teeth in the morning!

2 - Finished filling out the paperwork for Leah's death benefits (this may have impacted my ability to do other stuff...)

3 - Paid all the monthly bills

4 - Arranged for a friend to come over and help me move the king-sized mattress out of our old bedroom (I didn't want to EVER sleep on it again, and I may never sleep in that bedroom again - time will tell).\

5 - Ate three meals

6 - Visited with a friend (which mostly involved eating dinner)

Today was better:

1 - Showered, shaved, brushed my teeth in the morning

2 - Took all of Leah's summer-weight, professional clothing to the cleaner

3- Confirmed with the organization that they will be ready to receive Leah's summer-weight, professional clothing on Friday (100+ items)

4 - Ate three meals

5 - Talked to a co-worker for a LONG time

6 - Visited with a friend of Leah's

7 - Walked around a nature preserve that I had suggested visiting several times, but Leah's knee really kept us away from...

The seven things - May 17th

So, here are today's seven things (I also did seven yesterday, but I've already forgotten them...):

- Ate three meals

- Filled one car (the Subaru) with gas

- Got my hair cut

- Took a shower (at 9:30 p.m.), shaved and brushed my teeth (at 8:30 p.m.)

- Shopped (unsuccessfully) for cabinets and comforters

- Started a new 3D print and painted a couple of existing prints

- Did some laundry and decided to throw out one thing rather than wash it and donate it

Seven Things

 So, one of the pieces of advice that I have run across several times is that writing down a daily list of accomplishments is a good idea.  Most of the advice has been along the lines of "write down ten things you did today" or 'write down ten things you are grateful for".

So, I'm going to give it a shot, but I'm only going to do seven things a day.

Here is yesterday's list:

1. Fixed a loose piece on Leah's sewing machine cabinet, which I'm now using for my primary computer desk.  I know we bought this cabinet, used, not long after we got married, and it's probably the only piece of furniture that I still own from the early days.   
2. Moved money from Leah's savings into our joint savings to pay for a variety of expenses, both past and future.
3. Ate breakfast
4. Shredded a full shredder basket worth of paper
5. Went to Target and bought some minor things I needed and also bought some food.
6. Tried to work in the yard, but just couldn't.  Working in the yard and playing an online computer game were the last two things Leah and I did before she fell ill.
7. Went to a friend's house and ate a reasonably healthy dinner.

Here is today's list:

1. Got up at my (new) regular time
2. Cooked and ate breakfast
3. Dealt with ALL the thank you cards for every condolence card I've received so far
4. Did laundry
5. Worked on some 3D printing
6. Worked on Leah's clothes
7. Looked at the paperwork from Leah's office about her death benefits.  It's a LOT of paper (close to an inch thick stack).  Can't actually deal with it today.  Will call her HR contact on Monday to discuss it.

______ for _____ values of ______

Sometime in the last few years, I have started using the phrase, "_____ for ____ values of ____".  For example, at the end of the work day, Leah generally asked me, "How did your day go?", to which I would respond, "Fine, for most values of fine", or "Great, for some values of great".  I often used it to describe my progress (or frustration at my lack of progress) during a project - "Fine, for only a few values of fine", or "Great, for one value of great".

This experience sucks for ALL values of suckage.

Fortunately, it has begun sucking less.  

I drove from the Washington, DC area, where my wife and I lived, to central Arkansas to bury her.  It's about a 16 hour drive, if you could do it non-stop, which I last did circa 2005.  Ever since then, Leah and I always did the trip over two days, and this journey was no exception.  One thing about driving that far, alone, is that you are, of course, alone with your thoughts and feelings, with nothing to really distract you unless you bring your own music or audiobooks (unless you are a BIG fan of religious programming, gospel music, or country music - which I am not).

I brought a large collection of audiobooks with me, many of which I found did NOT work well in an audio format.  One that DID work well for me (your mileage may vary), is Option B by Sheryl Sandberg.  Ms. Sandberg is the COO of Facebook.  She wrote Option B after losing her husband with no warning whatsoever.  I, at least, had a several hours warning that Leah's death was a possibility, then a few hours of knowing that her death was likely.  I then had a short span of time to process that her death was certain and she had only minutes, perhaps hours, but certainly not days, before she died.

Of course, processing such immense, life-altering, life-shattering knowledge can't happen in a span of minutes, hours, or frankly, even days or weeks.

I hope that writing this blog will help me process this knowledge.