Time Flies, Whether You're Having Fun or Not

 Hard to believe that it's been over three years since I last posted here.

LOTS of changes.

It's now 41 months since Leah died.

I'm still not in a place, emotionally, to play or referee T2K.  Maybe I will be in the future, but almost certainly not in the NEAR future...

I have remarried and moved.  My new wife, Joanne, is a wonderful woman.  I think Leah would have liked her.  We spent about a year getting to know one another and making sure that our lives and households could be merged and meshed.  We each sold our own homes and bought a new house together.

Moving, of course is difficult and stressful, especially as an adult with a house full of stuff.  I still remember being able to pack all of my personal possessions (sans furniture) in a single car!  I know my gaming stuff would fill more than one car, now.

I did move further away from my office, so I am planning to retire in two years, when I turn 62, which is about six years earlier than I had thought I would.  But, I am fortunate to be in a financial situation that will allow me to retire on my own schedule, and I'm aware of increasing health issues as I get older, so I want to be able to enjoy my 'golden years' for as long as I can.  Maybe once I retire, I will start a T2K game up.

I did attend Traveller Con in Lancaster, PA this past weekend.  My new house is close enough to Lancaster that I was able to drive up on Saturday, just for the day.  I had a great time catching up with old friends and making a few new ones.  I hope to run a game or two next year.

If you aren't aware, the Traveller and T2K IP have been sold by Marc Miller to Mongoose Publishing in the UK.  Mongoose has been doing their own, licensed, version of Traveller for many years now, and they have been producing supplements on a regular basis.  Mongoose has said that they will continue to license T2K to Free League Publishing.  Mongoose is also licensing Traveller miniatures to 2nd Dynasty, which is producing a variety of miniatures and vehicles for 3d printing and tabletop wargaming, as well as ships in a variety of scales for tabletop gaming.  They've also done a Type S Scout and a BEOWOLF-class free trader for 28mm tabletop gaming.  They have been successfully crowdfunding Traveller projects, including one that just funded a week or so ago...

Another reason I haven't been writing or gaming is that Joanne and I are having major projects done around the house, only one of which is completely finished.  Three are still in progress and three more (one small and two large) haven't even started yet.  All of the projects ran, or are running FAR behind schedule, so the stress of work going on, finding problems with work that was done, or waiting for work to be done, isn't really helping...

Otherwise, my life is fine.  I am mostly content and often happy, two states of mind that I would have thought unobtainable 41 months ago.

Stay tuned.

The Seven Things - May 18-19

So,

I failed to do even seven things yesterday:

1 - Showered, shaved, brushed my teeth in the morning!

2 - Finished filling out the paperwork for Leah's death benefits (this may have impacted my ability to do other stuff...)

3 - Paid all the monthly bills

4 - Arranged for a friend to come over and help me move the king-sized mattress out of our old bedroom (I didn't want to EVER sleep on it again, and I may never sleep in that bedroom again - time will tell).\

5 - Ate three meals

6 - Visited with a friend (which mostly involved eating dinner)

Today was better:

1 - Showered, shaved, brushed my teeth in the morning

2 - Took all of Leah's summer-weight, professional clothing to the cleaner

3- Confirmed with the organization that they will be ready to receive Leah's summer-weight, professional clothing on Friday (100+ items)

4 - Ate three meals

5 - Talked to a co-worker for a LONG time

6 - Visited with a friend of Leah's

7 - Walked around a nature preserve that I had suggested visiting several times, but Leah's knee really kept us away from...

The seven things - May 17th

So, here are today's seven things (I also did seven yesterday, but I've already forgotten them...):

- Ate three meals

- Filled one car (the Subaru) with gas

- Got my hair cut

- Took a shower (at 9:30 p.m.), shaved and brushed my teeth (at 8:30 p.m.)

- Shopped (unsuccessfully) for cabinets and comforters

- Started a new 3D print and painted a couple of existing prints

- Did some laundry and decided to throw out one thing rather than wash it and donate it

Seven Things

 So, one of the pieces of advice that I have run across several times is that writing down a daily list of accomplishments is a good idea.  Most of the advice has been along the lines of "write down ten things you did today" or 'write down ten things you are grateful for".

So, I'm going to give it a shot, but I'm only going to do seven things a day.

Here is yesterday's list:

1. Fixed a loose piece on Leah's sewing machine cabinet, which I'm now using for my primary computer desk.  I know we bought this cabinet, used, not long after we got married, and it's probably the only piece of furniture that I still own from the early days.   
2. Moved money from Leah's savings into our joint savings to pay for a variety of expenses, both past and future.
3. Ate breakfast
4. Shredded a full shredder basket worth of paper
5. Went to Target and bought some minor things I needed and also bought some food.
6. Tried to work in the yard, but just couldn't.  Working in the yard and playing an online computer game were the last two things Leah and I did before she fell ill.
7. Went to a friend's house and ate a reasonably healthy dinner.

Here is today's list:

1. Got up at my (new) regular time
2. Cooked and ate breakfast
3. Dealt with ALL the thank you cards for every condolence card I've received so far
4. Did laundry
5. Worked on some 3D printing
6. Worked on Leah's clothes
7. Looked at the paperwork from Leah's office about her death benefits.  It's a LOT of paper (close to an inch thick stack).  Can't actually deal with it today.  Will call her HR contact on Monday to discuss it.

______ for _____ values of ______

Sometime in the last few years, I have started using the phrase, "_____ for ____ values of ____".  For example, at the end of the work day, Leah generally asked me, "How did your day go?", to which I would respond, "Fine, for most values of fine", or "Great, for some values of great".  I often used it to describe my progress (or frustration at my lack of progress) during a project - "Fine, for only a few values of fine", or "Great, for one value of great".

This experience sucks for ALL values of suckage.

Fortunately, it has begun sucking less.  

I drove from the Washington, DC area, where my wife and I lived, to central Arkansas to bury her.  It's about a 16 hour drive, if you could do it non-stop, which I last did circa 2005.  Ever since then, Leah and I always did the trip over two days, and this journey was no exception.  One thing about driving that far, alone, is that you are, of course, alone with your thoughts and feelings, with nothing to really distract you unless you bring your own music or audiobooks (unless you are a BIG fan of religious programming, gospel music, or country music - which I am not).

I brought a large collection of audiobooks with me, many of which I found did NOT work well in an audio format.  One that DID work well for me (your mileage may vary), is Option B by Sheryl Sandberg.  Ms. Sandberg is the COO of Facebook.  She wrote Option B after losing her husband with no warning whatsoever.  I, at least, had a several hours warning that Leah's death was a possibility, then a few hours of knowing that her death was likely.  I then had a short span of time to process that her death was certain and she had only minutes, perhaps hours, but certainly not days, before she died.

Of course, processing such immense, life-altering, life-shattering knowledge can't happen in a span of minutes, hours, or frankly, even days or weeks.

I hope that writing this blog will help me process this knowledge.

Sad News

So, I know I haven't posted anything in a while.  First, I was trying to learn the V4 Alpha rules and decide how much I liked them and if I could even run a game using them.

Then, just as I was getting ready to start posting Alpha rules-based stuff, the Beta came out, so I went back to square one.

Then, yesterday, April 28, 2021, my wife of 35 years, Leah, passed away, completely unexpectedly and after only a brief (2 day) illness.  Needless to say my life has been shattered and I just can't see playing T2K anytime soon.

In a very real sense, Leah made T2K fun for me back in the V1 days.  She wasn't interested in playing, but she loved hosting the games and listening to the stories our group created.  Her after-game critiques helped me be a better T2K referee.

Ultimately, she did become a Dungeon Master for several years, and was a far better DM/GM than I was.  She was never going to be interested in PLAYING T2K, but she was looking forward to hosting games and even attending conventions, both RPG-related and wargame related.  

I look forward to resuming gaming and writing, but I have no idea when that will happen, or even if it WILL happen.  Please stand by.

Eastward Ho.

“Blake’s Raiders”
North of West Days, Mississippi

Friday, 19 July, 2030 

An uneventful night saw us up at our regular time.  We started the day by scouting eastward along Church Road toward I-55.

We stopped briefly to check out an industrial building.  It turned out to be the site of "Brentwood Originals", a company that made foam pillows, chair pads, etc. before the war.  A small group of hunters was occupying the offices in the front of the building.  
Initially, they decided our mounted scouts were 'soft' targets and tried to ambush them.  Fortunately, they changed their mind and showed themselves, just as SGTs Whitehead and Rodriguez were about to begin shooting.

[Encounter roll 3, "armed".  Second roll in "other" territory, 3, hunters.  I judge an 90% chance that they will be friendly.  Roll is 92, so no. (Dammit).  C'est la vie.]

[There are 1d6 hunters, roll of 6.  On a roll of 1-4, they are on foot; 5-6, they are mounted.  Roll is 5, so they have horses.  They apparently want to kill the scouts to take their horses...  Per the rules, three are armed with shotguns, and three with sporting rifles.  I judge a 50/50 chance of the sporting rifles being 30-30 or 30-06.  Roll is 6, so they are armed with 30-06 rifles (ROF: 1, Mag: 2 (internal); Rage: 60; DMG: 4; Armor Modifier: -)  Being armed with powerful 30-06 rifles also explains why they are willing to take on the scouts...]

[I judge they are veteran NPCs - skills: 50, coolness: 2, hits (2d10x2)=10 (really)]

[The scouts have a DIF:RCN:75, (-6) to spot the hunters.  Roll of 26, final result of 20, so success.  The hunters have an AVG:RCN:50 to spot the scouts.  Roll of 42, also success, but the scouts have the advantage, rolling 17 under their number (37) versus the hunters that rolled only 8 under their number (50).]

[Initial range (clear) is 1d10 x 300 meters, roll of 3, so 900 meters. The scouts pull up 400 meters short of the building, picket their horses, and radio their contact report in.  The HumVee also pulls up to within 400 meters of the building (MK-19 Medium range) as the scouts begin their stalk.]

[At this point, I judge a 75% chance that the hunters will fold and show themselves.  Roll of 80, so no.  (dammit)]

[The advantage is now with the scouts.  I judge every 100 meters, they need to roll AVG:RCN:75 against DIF:RCN:50.  First rolls are 24 for the scouts (success) and 44 for the hunters (failure).  The scouts are now 300 meters from the front of the building.  Second rolls are 39 for the scouts (success) and 62 for the hunters (failure).  The scouts are now 200 meters from the front of the building and they decide to set up their shots at medium range.  They check in with Captain Blake and agree to initially limit the combat to sniper rifle fire unless the scouts radio in a request for support or pop a smoke grenade, at which point the HumVee will open with five rounds from the MK-19 while Captain Blake and SSGT Ruiz dismount and move in to support the snipers. SPEC McCarthy will wait five minutes and fire five more MK-19 rounds unless ordered otherwise.]

[At this point, I judge only a 25% chance that the hunters will fold.  Roll of 17, so the hunters decide to surrender at the last minute.]

Just as the SGTs are taking their final sights, a young boy came of the front door, wildly waving a dirty, but still mostly white, t-shirt in his hands.

SGT Whitehead stood up and moved toward the building, staying out of SGT Rodriguez's (and the HumVee's) line of fire.  After a short conversation, she radioed the "all clear" signal, and we moved up to the front of the building.

[I judge a 50/50 chance that the factory was not looted, since the production machinery isn't obviously usable and it is in a pretty remote location.  Roll of 32, so yes, the factory is intact.]

We spent the rest of the morning talking to the hunters about the situation.  They agreed to garrison the factory until someone from the 197th shows up.  Unfortunately, the factory foreman passed away over the winter, but I assured them that the 197th is expanding their security perimeter this way and will want to get the factory up and running again if at all possible.  Being able to supply foam mattresses will be a big morale boost!  We left them with two days worth of food and grain for their horses as a goodwill gesture and continued east down Church Road toward I-55.

[Next encounter roll is 5, Military Convoy.  There is no reason for a military convoy to be moving around this area, so I judge it to be "no encounter".] 

We spent the afternoon scouting through the town of Horn Lake.  We thought we hit the jackpot when we got to the High School.  From the outside, the building looked untouched, but vacant.  Unfortunately, it had been completely stripped of anything of value [I judged a 10% of finding school books, roll of 100, so not just no, but no to ANYTHING being left at the school.]  Having found the High School, we started looking in earnest for other schools.

It took an hour or so, but we finally found the former Shadow Oaks elementary school to the north, except it was clear from the outside that it had been ransacked. [roll of 99 this time...]  Same story at the nearby Horn Lake Middle School [roll of 78].  We didn't have any luck finding textbooks at the last school we found, Horn Lake Elementary [roll of 11], but Specialist McCarthy [DIF:SCR:50, roll of 11] spotted what looked the remains of a business sign in front of a house down the street from the school.  He suggested we check it out, since the building seemed mostly intact.  Turned out it the house had been turned into a used book store, and we were able to gather some books that hadn't been ruined by mold or weather [d%, roll of 43].  We carefully packed them up for turn in at the end of our mission.

The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully.  We scouted through Horn Lake, finally reaching I-55 early in the evening.

[Encounter roll 3, armed.  Second roll in "other" territory is 6, no encounter]

A gas station / garage on the east side of the I-55/Church Road intersection had gone bankrupt long before the start of the Twilight War and the building was largely intact.  The garage doors didn't work, but it didn't take long to put up the camouflage netting.  The overpass was an ideal spot for a lookout.  At least we didn't have to worry about putting up the radio antenna that night...

Not that we got much rest.  Just after 2:00 a.m., SGT Rodriguez radioed in that she had spotted a small group working their way up I-55 and that they appeared armed and armored, but were on foot and she was pretty sure they had spotted her.  Once the rest of the team was in place, she was going to shift position to the far side of the overpass, where we had already established a secondary guard post position.

[To be continued...]